I'm So Sensitive I Cry When The Sun Rises

I hate nuclear war. It's such a bummer. I don't understand why everyone can't just live in peace, like me, and read MOBY DICK. It's a cool book about a whale, and full of metaphysical richness. What's more it's metaphorically dense.

Leave me alone now, I'm crying at the thought of being in the post apocolyptic world and not having any barely-legal poontang to molest.

Private students ROCK by English Teacher X

I've quit being a Director of Studies just to do privates.

I fucking LOVE private students. Especially rich guys. Guys are cool. The hairier and more surly and rich they are, the better. They'll pay me hundreds of dollars for sitting in their plush offices smelling their shitty aftershave while they struggle to pronounce simple sentences. In fact, my privates pay me thousands of dollars an hour because I'm the fucking tits.

Fuck those classes full of young cute university students at the institutes! Man I fucking LOVE rich guys, cuz if I'm lucky they'll take me out on their boats, and treat me like a pet dog.

And they cancel all the time and go on vacation every two weeks, so at least I don't have to suffer with them too often. Though I don't get paid for that. Oh, and my salary is halved by travel time, too. But fuck that because sitting listening to rich guys drone on is awesome. It's MUCH better than being the boss of a language school and working 20 hours a week. Having no visa support is really cool too, because I'm a thrill seeker. By nature.

The other cool thing is the future job opportunities -- when I leave Bumfuck and go to some place where I'm NOT the only foreign English speaker in town, it will look AWESOME on my resume to put "teaching a bunch of rich doofuses privately."

And the money rocks. Because you know, I do this for the cash -- I mean, I decided not to go to medical school just to become an English teacher, because they're all so rich. ALL ABOUT THE YAROSLAVS BAY-BEEEEEE!!!!

SELLING OUT IS COOL by English Teacher X

I hope everyone will read my new posting I AM SUCH A FUCKING SELLOUT by English Teacher X. Here I act like a drunken bum all day, but in reality I'm secretly a dependable professional. What a fucking liar I am! Why, just look at all that advice I give about how to survive your job in the TEACHER TIPS. Obviously I don't fucking care about teaching. There's only one Teacher Tip that matters now: DO WHATEVER I SAY!!

Selling out is awesome. I have so much money now I don't even need to teach. In fact I think I'll just stick a bunch of Google Ads all over the site and spam it everywhere. That wouldn't be selling out at all, that'd be art.

VICTORY!!!

I DID IT!! I was finally irritating, tedious, and unimaginatively bothersome that I FORCED English Teacher X to turn on comment moderation. I, a single man, have brought English Teacher X's 50-hit-a-day Internet empire to its KNEES and proved ONCE AND FOR ALL that working retail is FAR superior to going abroad to teach.

Man! I'm wicked. Wait'll the guys on the HALO 3 net tonight hear about this! They will WORSHIP me!

Gap Kid vs. English Teacher X: The Final Showdown

Here's me confronting English Teacher X about his FUCKING LIES!! Notice how fat he is, and covered with cockroaches. And screaming and crying like a baby. And my cool trench coat, from our new fall collection, $49.99 at the Gap. Fall into the Gap.

You can click on those to enlarge them, and see English Teacher X get beat down in all his fat, middle-aged glory.

Wow! retards are easily impressed!

Wow! Look at all that rain! Gosh, I'm so impressed by rain! It's really wet! Huh huh! It's fun being a retard! Ha ha ha ha! I hope the rain doesn't wash what's left of my rapidly-greying hair out! Huh huh!

ENGLISH TEACHER X SUCKS!

WELCOME TO ENGLISH TEACHER X SUCKS! I was just going to work at the Gap and reading about English Teacher X on my IPhone, and all his stupid fucking balding middle aged colleagues, and how gay and fat they are, and I decided to make my own blog, dedicated to exposing him as a fucking stupid old asshole.

Let's examine a picture of English Teacher X, shall we?



Look at that, not a fucking hair on his head. And shaped like a goddamned snowman. Or something. What the fuck is going on with that shit? He hasn't even got any feet, or arms? How could slavic chicks go for that shit? WHAT A MORON!!

Anyway, my life at the Gap is really cool, I get free pleated chinos sometimes. And LOADS of hot babes come in for low-market sportwear.